Early this morning as I was driving to work I reflected on the morning of my RNY surgery two years ago. I wasn't nervous the morning of my surgery... or in the weeks leading up to the big day. I was impatient and just ready to start the new phase of my life. I remember the nurse asking me if I needed some medication to help me relax and I declined it because I already was relaxed. My mom was more nervous than I was.

When I started my goal was to hit 150lbs by 18 months post-op. To wear single-digit clothing. To be healthy and athletic and full of energy. I wanted to use my vacation time at work for real vacations and not just doctor appointments to treat my obesity-related-ailments. And somewhere in the back of my mind I imagined myself in a relationship with a man I was crazy about. There were other lofty goals too, but these are the big ones that have stuck with me.

When I named this blog "Journey to a Healthier Me" -- I don't think I fully realized what a journey it would actually be. When we start this WLS thing we all seem to have a preconceived notion of how things are going to go. Which steps we'll take, what things come next and how it's all going to be in the end. At the beginning we believe there will be a finish line, but somewhere along the way we realize that this is not a journey that has an end. This is a journey of a lifetime. It's a journey that IS my life.

So when I think about all the goals I have not yet achieved I struggle sometimes. As you know I am still not at the weight I want to be - another 30 pounds would ideal in my mind. And it's not for lack of trying that the weight isn't coming off either. I AM healthy and athletic and energetic. Sorry, no hot man on my arm, so that goal is also unachieved. LOL! I think the lack of weight loss is what bugs me the most. But you knew that already, right?

Remember the Comprehensive Holistic Wellness Plan? The goals I set for all areas of my health -- physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, vocational, intellectual, etc. I haven't forgotten them. I think this is something that is a lifelong plan rather than something, again, with a finish line. I guess right now my whole life seems to be revolving around the intellectual and vocational goals -- going to college full time (while working full time) is taking up so much of my life that there's not much room for anything else. Once this big one is achieved, I'll be able to focus on more of these goals later.

I'm proud of where I am today.

It's taken me a while to accept the weight issue. To realize that my success in this weight loss journey is not tied to the number on the scale, but is based on how I feel about myself and how comfortable I am in my own skin. That post a few weeks ago about seeing myself in a photo of a crowd of people and being a normal size -- things like that go a long way for me in realizing that I'm a success even if I haven't gotten to 150lbs. I AM a success. I AM proud of myself. I AM amazing. And I have the rest of my life to work toward whatever goals I still want to achieve-- there's no hurry, it'll all happen in its own time.

Many people say "I love my RNY" and give all the credit to the surgery itself. I don't really share that attitude. Yes, the RNY was the springboard for my weight loss and resetting my body's screwed up system to allow the weight to come off. But it was ME who fought the fight and lost the weight. So instead of saying that I love my surgery, guess I need to say: "I love myself!" The surgery was great, but ya know... I worked my butt off for these 113 pounds and I'm damn proud of myself!

~Pam

Such a flattering picture, huh? No make up, squinting into the sun and my hair is about the worst it's been all week -- filled with saltwater and totally windblown. But it was the BEST day at the beach of the whole trip. (That's Christine in the background looking just as beautiful as me.)
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It's out last day in Florida... in fact we're leaving for the airport in just an hour or so and we're all packed up.
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It's been a good vacation. Lots of downtime, lots of relaxation and lots of sun. I was also officially on a food vacation, which felts pretty good to not worry too much about what I ate. But honestly, I made pretty fair choices. Yes, too many sweet potatoe fries and too much chocolate... but lots of seafood (usually baked or grilled) and lots of protein-forward meals.
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But I'm craving a salad and plan to hit the grocery store tomorrow for all the fixings.

I brought a supply of my protein hot chai tea, but didn't get it every day --- will be glad to get back to that routine too. Kinda craving a big protein fruit frosty and make have one for breakfast tomorrow.
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Sorry I've had to bore you with vacation pictures all week. I'll be back to my normal ramblings soon. Hopefully some of you have been able to live vicarously through me this week while I've had some time off.
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~Pam

We got up at sunrise today and drove down to the beach near the Army base to go shelling. Not many shells to be found but the we have the beach to ourselves... Just the 5 of us and a bunch of seagulls.  

Now we're lounging in beach chairs and reading (or blogging). The wind is strong so the water is rough which make the waves beautiful this morning. 

We'll stay here for a while then go find some shopping spots and then lunch somewhere. Life does get much better than this.

Pam

Christine made some amazing chicken in the slow cooker the other night. I think it's going to become one of my favorite stand-by meals. Figured I'd share the recipe here with ya'll. The chicken gets so tender and almost falling apart ... and it's so flavorful. It would be great served on tortillas with lettuce and tomato or with baked tortilla chips... or just plain like we had it. So delicious!

Christine's Southwest Chicken

1 package frozen boneless, skinless chicken breasts (I think it was a 2lb bag)
1 can corn, drained (or frozen works too)
1 can black beans, drained/rinsed
1 jar salsa
1 brick cream cheese

In a large slow cooker, put the chicken in the bottom and top with salas, corn and beans. Don't bother stirring it, it'll take care of itself. Let it coook for 10 hours on low. About 30 minutes before serving place the brick of cream cheese on top and let it melt into the mixture.

Yummm..... Enjoy!

~Pam

Life is good when you're at the beach.

Sand fleas... also know as no-see-'ems ...  are not very friendly little bugs.  They bite you but you don't know they are biting you at the time. But a day or two later you see their bite mark popping up on you legs, arms and neck and they itch SO bad.  Itch seriously bad.  So bad you want to ripe your leg off just to make the itching stop.

So yeah we got biten the first day we arrived and have been itching sine the second day.  Anti itch spray, lotions or drugs don't seem to make a difference either.  We think we figured out where we got them and will stay away from that particular beach, of course.

But... I'm on vacation so how bad can it really be, right?

Today I'm just staying close to the house ... Enjoying some sun next to the pool.  Reading the new Nora Roberts book and sipping on my Crystal Light. 

Later I'll take Jace out and get some senior pictures for him at the beach and around town.  Then back to the house for some dinner. 

Loving this vacation!